you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
