y did u give ur computer a hand job?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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