I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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