SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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