hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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