shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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