I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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