I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
