i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
