you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
