and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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