i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Pants 0. Shit 1.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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