ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
