similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
