Plan B is the new Plan A
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
