He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
