Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
