I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
