just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Randomize
