she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
