We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Houston, we have a blender
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
