If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
