I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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