I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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