i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
