Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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