U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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