The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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