I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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