Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
