Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
