Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
When are your genitals available?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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