did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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