I think my vagina is haunted
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
