Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
