FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
