i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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