i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just found puke in my bra..
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
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