Someone shit on the floor
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
