I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
