After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
