wrigley field is MILF paradise
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
