I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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