I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
third nipple confirmed
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
