I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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