they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
