I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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