She said her name was "party"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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