oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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