I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
