he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
