he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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