I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
